"KNOCK OFF SHIP"S WORK!"

Between working on damage control equipment, avoiding HTC Little, and making sure my guys did their jobs; I had a long day. We were coming up on a pay period, so that meant everyone was pretty much broke. So after ‘knock off ships work’ I lounged around the carpenter shop for an hour or so, and waited for chow to go down. I couldn’t afford to eat elsewhere. Once I got chow out of the way, I proceeded to the berthing area to get a shower and relax a bit. The ripe locker room smell of Engineering berthing was enough to convince me to clean up and get the hell off of the ship for the evening, broke or not. After a nice Hollywood shower, I dug around in my locker for some smelly water to splash on my cleanest dirty civie shirt, and to my surprise, I found a nice wad of loose bills and change I’d squirreled away in a sock. Beer Money! What a deal, damned near twenty-five bucks!

After getting all duded up, I went on a search for someone to drink with, but all of my friends had already hit the beach. So I set out on my own. More beer for me! Mobile was tied along pier 5 at the 32nd Street naval base. Getting off of the Quarter Deck was a real boost to my spirits. The warm evening, salty air and hot money burning a hole in my pocket renewed the spring in my step. I didn’t have any gas to drive my bus around so I opted to hoof it to the bar. The EM club was closest and the beer was cheap, but every time I’d gone into that place, some drunken squid would try to put some whoop ass on me. Not tonight, I just want to mind my own business and have a good time. I could visit the Western Club (a.k.a. ‘The Cow Barn’) and drag some pudgy Westpac Widow around the dance floor. Maybe later, I wasn’t drunk enough for that yet. The night was still young and I really wasn’t up to speed yet for that loud Buck Owens crowd.

There are a ton of bars strung up and down National City’s Miracle Mile, but I was tired of walking and settled on this hole-in-the-wall establishment, not too far from The Cow Barn. I didn’t catch the name, but it looked like your typical city dweller, tiger pit. You know the kind of dive that tests your six senses. A little stinky, glitzy, and somewhat foreboding. Where people go to get drunk and they don’t want to know your name. Just right!

As I saddled up to the padded horseshoe bar, the sinister looking greasy barkeep gave me one of those ‘you really don’t belong in here, don’t start anything, hurry it up and get out of here glances.’ I asked him for a pitcher of beer and the smart ass asked me if I’d like to have a glass to go along with it. "Only if it doesn’t cost extra", said I. Well at least the beer was as cold as my welcome, and this pitcher was a big nice big one. Before I got to swallow down my second glass of foam, I heard this familiar crusty sort of whine coming from around the other side of the horseshoe shaped bar. There was this island of mirrored shelves that held all of the bottles of booze and It blocked my view of the other side, where other patrons were sitting. But that familiar whiney sound, sounded a whole lot like Mobile’s very own little, HTC(Head Turd Chaser) Little. HTC Little, was a first class prick(his true rating.)

Chief Little had just reported on board Mobile, replacing, HTC Holdgrapher, another real first class prick. There were a lot of fine Chiefs that had crossed the quarter deck of the Mobile, but those guys never made it to R-Division when I was aboard Mobile. HTC Holdgrapher, spent most of his Navy career behind a desk until he got sent to the Mobile. ‘R’ division showed the shining example of his knowledge and leadership; It was a wreck under his direction. The officers thought he was tolerable. But his men either usually avoided him, or hated him enough that they wanted to toss him over the side while we were underway. He never walked the weather decks at night. The thing I liked most about HTC Holdgrapher was that he retired shortly after I came aboard Mobile.

HTC Little, was a dandy replacement part for Holdgrapher. I don’t know where Chief Little came from, but he had this nasally, New England accent. As a replacement, we could have done worse, but as our luck would have it, it was hard to see how. Chief Little was a runt both physically and mentally(I never measured him, but he had to be buying his uniforms in the children’s section at the P.X.) Chief Little was a suckass around the officers. He was a real salty, fatherly type to our new green division officer, but most of the time he acted like he hated his own men. That’s ok, because we hated him back.

Chief Little had a real knack for inventing nicknames for the men in ‘R’ Division. The Hair lip, The Spick, The Crip, The Lurch (I was The Lurch), O’ Fuzz Nuts, That Pretty Boy, The Jesus Freak, The Doper, That Squirrel Bait, The Hillbilly, and Laurel and Hardy, this is how he addressed us(What a motley sounding crew.) It's no wonder that as with HTC Holdgrapher, HTC Little didn’t dare walk the weather decks at night. If it weren’t for HT1 Braun and HT1 Watkins holding things together, the whole division would have went AWOL.

Little Chief was usually drunk on his off duty hours, and with regularity, he’d be bleeding at the eyes each morning at muster. If you were one of his underlings, you didn’t want to be around the guy ‘till after lunch. Then he’d be happy for an hour or so, till his lunch wore off. Yes, the little guy liked his booze.

Anyway, back in the Tiger Pit, I had just inhaled my first beer and I working on the second when I come to realize that I’m sitting in the same bar with HTC Little. This matter of fact has really got me sucking down my brew! I don’t want to see this little S.O.B., especially when I’m on the beach trying to relax. And from the sound of his voice, the Little Chief is already three sheets to the wind. As for myself, down the hatch! Glug, glug, glug!

I’m about half way through my pitcher when HTC Little wheels around the bar, still wearing his rumpled, khakis, chief’s uniform . The little jerk was on the way to the head when he spotted me, " Lurch! Howz it goin’ ya squid!" As he passes me, he jabs me in the ribs with his thumb for good measure. Then the sinister looking bartender eyes me and says, "You know that little turd?" I didn’t have a snappy answer, so Mister Sinister sez, "Get him out of here! Yer buddy’s worn out his welcome here, and he’s about to get decked by the guy he’s been slobbering on for the last hour. I mean it Buddy, get lost! Take him outta here!"

I felt hurt, insulted and I was still thirsty, so I pointed at my pitcher to show I wasn’t yet ready to leave, but Mr. Sinister went for it as if he were going to dump it out, but I got to pitcher first and started to slug it down(guess I didn't need that glass after all. I got it sucked down at about the same time the Little Chief came wandering out of the head. By the look on Mr. Sinister’s face, I could see it was time to leave. I glanced at my wristwatch, hell it wasn’t quite 1900 hours yet! What a drag! I told the Chief Little it was time to go, but he resisted my efforts and called me a bunch of bad names. So I grabbed him by the arm and drug him out to the sidewalk like I had a mad little dog on a leash.

As I tried to hail him a cab, Chief Little began acting pretty stupid. He kept running in circles, growling and trying to stomp my foot to get away from me. Eventually a cab pulled up, so I opened the door and I threw Chief Little into the backseat. Before I could get the cab fare out, the Little Chief got out on the driver’s side and proceeded to stumble around in the middle of National City’s, Miracle Mile. Great! Were having fun now. After a couple of near misses of my own, I catch up to Chief, drag him back and tossed him into the car again before we both got run over. This time I'd climb into the cab and sit on him so he couldn’t hit on me or escape.

Now I’m pissed. I’m headed back to the ship way too early and I’m burning up the last of my beer money on a cab I’d never normally ride in. The Little Chief wasn’t too happy either with me squishing him into the car seat. The cabbie, on the other hand, thought the whole damn thing was pretty funny and couldn’t wait to see the expression on the Marine sentry’s face as we pulled up to the gate at 32nd Street.

I had my I.D. out, Chief Little didn’t need to show his ‘cuz he was still in the uniform of the day. The Marine did salute us, but he stared pretty hard. I don’t think he didn’t really wanted to have anything to do with us. Thankfully, he let us proceed. The cabbie is what probably save our asses from Shore Patrol involvment, he probably took the edge off of our tense situation with the way he was laughing his butt off.

Now the real fun begins. Our cab driver won’t drive us on the pier ‘cuz he says it’s not legal. And as it just so happens, the Mobile is tied up at the very last berth at the very end of the pier. Now I’m really, really pissed! But in a sense, that’s ok ‘cuz the Little Chief is really, really, really pissed also.

I was deaf to threats of death, Captain’s Mast and going to the brig. I’m a man on a mission now, besides, after all of the beer I'd chugged down, I really had to pee. "Chief Little, we're going back to the ship!" I had to drag him out of the cab, he now wanted to stay in. Little Chief was kicking and screaming at me. The cabbie was still laughing at us. And now the Quarter Deck watches of the ships along the pier were starting to hoot and holler at the Chief and me. I jerked him out of the cab, and with the hold I had on his wrist, he couldn’t get away from me.

I wasn’t paying much attention to what the Chief was doing, just dragging the little ankle-biter along as best I could. Then I felt this sharp sting up the side of my head. He jumped up and sissy-slapped me! I’m sure Little Chief thought it was a K.O., but I was still standing, and now I was starting to laugh, along with the Q.D. watches that were cheering us on. This caused Little Chief to elevate his anger level even further. He reached out with his size six shoe and kicked me right in the shin. "OUCH!!" This stopped me from laughing, and I let go of the little prick, but kicking me also elevated my anger level. He tried to run off, but I ran faster. I picked Chief Little up by the neck and crotch, tossed him on my shoulder like a seabag and started running towards the Mobile with the little bastard.

Boy, with the crowd cheering me on now and the pitcher of beer kicking in, I felt as though I was going in for a touchdown or something. The Little Chief was quiet now, except for the gurgully grunts he made in count with my stride. "Ye-ha! We’re going for the gold! I’m the champion of the world!" We made it past an LST and almost made it up to a destroyer before I tripped on an expansion joint in the pier. Little Chief and I were both flying through the air in slow motion, or so it seemed. We hit that concrete pier pretty hard. Uh-Oh! The laughing had stopped.

There was nothing but silence now. The O.O.D. from a ship nearby, called down and asked if we were alright. After I stumbled to my feet, I said, "We’re just finer than frog hair on a foggy day, Sir!" Yeah right, by looks of the Little Chief, it’d be a dead frog. He really didn’t look so good. Little Chief was out like a light. He wasn’t moving, except his chest was still going up and down some. He was bleeding like a stuck hog from his head. Maybe that was a good sign, since it meant his heart may still be pumping blood. Still clutched in his fists was half of my civy shirt he'd managed to rip off of my back. I took that piece out of his hands and wrapped it around his bleeding head. "Now he looks like a real little pirate!", I thought to myself. I stuffed his hat in his shirt pocket and sort of stood him up. Nope he wasn’t dead yet. Dead folks ain’t this warm and sweaty are they? Then I noticed I was covered in bloody road rash from the spill on the concrete pier also. I began saying prayers for both of us now.

I had the Chief under the arms in a nut to butt bear hug, sort of walking him along the pier. Kicking his feet to keep him in step, we had to be a sight. I wished someone would start up the laughing again. Nobody did. Man that was one long walk. Little Chief started mumbling as we started our climb up the Mobile's ladder tower. That was a good sign. Right?

Well, we made it up the series of ladders, across the gang plank, up to the Mobile’s Quarter Deck. Thank God, "A" gang’s, Mr. Hunt had the Q.D.! I held up my I.D. and asked for permission to come aboard. We really must have been something to see. Although mere words may not have described our appearance, the look on Mr. Hunt’s face was sure saying a lot. Mr. Hunt asked me if the Chief were dying or drunk. I said, "I hope not and yes, very!" Mr. Hunt told me to take him up to his rack. Then I asked for another hand to help carry the Chief Little. Although Mr. Hunt allowed us to cross the Quarter Deck, He refused any assistance ‘cuz he didn’t want us bleeding on the whites of his watch standers. Besides I managed to bring him this far under my own power. "You'll make it alright. Goodnight Bohnenkamp."

Great! Three more steep ladders to climb with little Mr. Rubber Legs. To heck with it, "Sorry Chiefie, seabag time!" With that I tossed him over my shoulder and proceeded upward. When I finally burst into the chief’s berthing, I saw this naked fat chief shaving his mug in the head. "Chief! Could you tell me, where’s Chief Little’s rack is at?" The fat Chief showed me the way and I dumped the Little Chief in his bottom rack with a thunk and covered him with a blanket off of another guy's rack. With the fat chief still standing there, I tucked Chief Little in snug as a bug in a rug and squeezed his hand saying, "We let them Jarheads have it tonight, didn’t we Chief?" I patted his arm and stood to leave, but the Fat Chief blocked my path wanting to hear the whole story. I told him he’d be hearing our Little Chief brag for months about this one, "Just let him tell you the story Chief. I'd hate to ruin it for him chief." Then I got the hell out of there.

Next morning at Quarters, Chief Little was a no show. LTJG Lewright told us that Chief Little would not be with us for the next few days due to injuries sustained from an incident last night. Good God he wasn’t dead! I was sweating that big time, what a relief. Later Mr. Lewright took me aside and asked me what went down. I told him it was kind of like a car crash, but we used Jarheads instead of a car. He rolled his eyes back and just walked off. No further questions. I guess he didn’t really want to know all of the gorey details.

It was three days later before Chief Little showed up for morning muster. His head was all wrapped up in white bandages. He had his little hat perched up on top of the mound of bandages like a cherry on a hot fudge sundae. What a sight. He looked damned miserable; so it boosted the morale of ‘Repair’ division’s men without fail for weeks to come. He was still his old growly self though, a little weak yet from his ordeal, but he was still a little jerk.

HTC Little never once said a word to me, about that fateful evening. Nor I a word to him. People made up different stories about the incident. I just stuck to the original story. "Us Squids stick together when there are Marine asses to be kicked!" Yea, right!

Is It The Real Thing?

One hot summer day I was headed aft to the Shipfitter’s shop to locate one of my guys. USS Mobile was tied up in San Diego at the time for some routine maintenance, so the ship was crawling with sweaty deck-apes armed with paint chippers and paint soaked brushes. BM2 Hollingsworth(can’t remember his real name. Old-timers decease I guess,) was overseeing the progress of several men when I happened by.

Hollingsworth was a red-headed, red-necked, REDMAN tobacco chewing, tall drink of water from the state of Montana. He was usually full of piss and vinegar, as was the case this fine morning. We stood around in the shade of an “LCM-8" boat, admiring the day and sharing scuttlebutt. Hollingsworth noticed my ice cold can of Coke and asked if he could have a sip, (WARNING:If you ever gave Hollingsworth a drink of anything, he’d usually spit some REDMAN juice into it to mark it as his, or he'd do it just to start a fight.) "I break your redneck if you put your lips to my Coke. Take a slug of your own damned Coke!”, I said, referring to his own tobacco spit filled Coke can. Feigning heartbreak over my comment, Hollingsworth let a long brown slimy honker of tobacco spit slide into his own Coke can. Then he gave me a mischievous look as he held a finger to his pursed lips.

BM2 Hollingsworth tippy-toed over to the bullwork near one of his guys who was busy knocking away loose paint from the deck. Hollingsworth covertly swapped Coke cans with the one sitting on top of the bullwork, above the toiling deck-ape. Then casually, Hollingsworth took his place by my side, whilst sipping on his fresh new Coke. It wasn’t a long wait before his thirsty deck-ape reached up and took a long pull from his not-so-frosty Coke. And a long pull he did take. The deck-ape was on his second to third gulp when he’d realized something was drastically wrong. Maybe it was clue he got when he saw the two Second Class Petty Officers over in the shade, choking on their own spit from laughter! Then Hollingsworth takes a last slug off of his tasty Coke and offers it to the deck-ape, “Looking for this!?” Immediately, Hollingsworth drops the Coke and takes off on a dead run down the main deck! The deck ape looks over at me with shear hatred, but he doesn’t want me nearly as bad as he wants Hollingsworth. So with paint chipper in hand, he’s quick to his feet, and in hot pursuit of the tall, laughing, red-neck, disappearing in front of him, down the main deck.

Up ladders, down ladders, port, starboard, forward and aft of the ship they ran. It was like watching some demented episode of a Popeye cartoon. I don’t remember ever laughing so hard in my life. Eventually the deck-ape lost steam. He lost his chipping tool over the side when he threw it in a wild attempt to hit Hollingsworth. After an exhaustive chase, the deck-ape gave up hope of ever catching Hollingsworth. As the deck-ape stumbled his way down to sickbay for a cure to tobacco spit poisoning, he started puking and having the dry heaves. The poor guy thought for sure he was dying a horrible death.

Then it was the sadistic Corpsmen’s turn to “cure” the poor bastard. They made him drink some black solution then pumped his stomach to get rid of the nicotine/spit poison. The Corpsmen did other stuff to him, but it was all behind closed doors. Later on one of the corpsmen told me that they'd utilized the deck-ape as a guinea pig, "poison control dummy" for training purposes. Sick puppies them Corpsmen.

After all was said and done, BM2 Hollingsworth came away from this incident squeaky clean. Sometimes you get lucky I guess. The deck-ape, at best, survived the ordeal. And I forgot why I was headed aft to the Shipfitter Shop, so I went back to the Carpenter Shop for some coffee and to share my story with anyone who would listen .

USS Mobile, LKA-115: Sailors, Marines and Shipboard Water Closets

We’d been underway for a couple of days headed for NORPAC amphibious training. Mobile had her full compliment of Marines(250) on-board and was transporting them to southern Alaska for mountainous maneuvers.

I was this evening’s Duty Section Engineering Department Petty Officer, as well as Repair Division’s Duty H.T. I just made my rounds, seeing to it that the sweepers had done their jobs before I went up to the ship’s nightly movie. No sooner had I settled down in front of the movie screen with my soda, kipper snacks and crackers, Mobile's 1MC blares out, "Duty HT, lay to the bridge."

I had a bad feeling it was another distress call from troop berthing. Each night, since we’d been underway, the Marine on watch down in troop berthing would call for the Duty HT to come down and unclog their water-closets in their compartment's head. As always, it was just before the evening movie went down, and the head was always a stinking mess. I grabbed, Mendez, my duty gopher, and immediately, he started pleading and whining, trying to get out of our latest detail. "Follow me!" was all I said.

Up to the bridge we went, and sure enough it was the troop berthing head again. Troop berthing holds 250 Marines. It’s situated centerline-amidship, is as wide as the ship, and is at the bottom of the ship(7th deck), below the waterline. You enter troop berthing at the aft bulkhead of the compartment, go down a couple long ladders and your standing on the keel(bottom) of the ship. Continue to walk to the compartment's forward bulkhead, past the 250 racks that are stacked six high, you see two more long ladders, port and starboard, leading up to the shower and head. These two separate compartments are purposefully situated several feet above the ship’s waterline for drainage purposes. When you go up the long port ladder, you’ll be standing on the landing leading into the head. Open the door and your standing in the head.

The forward bulkhead of the head held four plugged urinals, plum full of Marine excrement. To the right of the plugged urinals, were four water closets, three of which happened to be full to the brim with the same brown smelly stuff. The last water closet was still functional and occupied. A line of five or six noisy Marines were rooting for it’s occupant to hurry and evacuate his bowels. What a stinking mess! I noticed that the wash basins had crap in them! These Marines had been awfully busy today. And were these boys ever happy to see Mendez and me. Hooping and hollering. Cussing and carrying on as they were. I ignored their taunts as best I could, and told them, "No problem Marines, we’ll have you Marines fixed up in a jiffy!" I looked over at Mendez and saw that he was about to faint. "We’ll be back as soon as we can. First we have to get some gear!"

I could have passed this little ditty on up to Chief Little. It would've been the proper thing to do. He even hated Marines worse than he hated me. But he was a total jerk, so I chose not to get him involved. Besides, I had a more fun and interesting plan. Up to the Carpenter Shop I went.

Meanwhile, I had Mendez open the small access panel next to the door to the head and run a 1-1/2" fire hose up through it. I brought back a ton of stuff from the shop. A pair of 5,000volt rubber electrician gloves, a Mark V gas mask, a partial bucket of okem, several wooden DC plugs, one 1/8" 7018 welding rod, a 24" pipe wrench, and a 4"clean-out plug with a custom made 1-½" female swivel adapter I’d up made earlier.

When I returned, I saw where Mendez had lost his lunch on the landing by the head’s door. After I made sure I had enough hose to work with, I told him to stand by at the bottom of the ladder, guard the fire hose and wait.

The Marines thought I was pretty funny looking, wearing the gas mask and gloves. I assured them I’d have them fixed up in a jiffy and proceeded to empty two of the porcelain bowls. I ‘bout puked in my mask, but I was a man on a mission. What the Marines did was toss in oranges, apples, pop cans and rolls of toilet paper, just to see if they would flush. When that didn’t work, the Marines then filled the bowls up the rest of the way to the rim with various shades and textures of excrement. As soon as I emptied their crud on the deck, I packed okem into the turd chute and tapped in a DC plug nice and tight. I did this to two of the four bowls. Keep in mind that the puckey filled urinals and sinks utilized the same four inch drain manifold as the water closets; these I left alone and untouched. I replaced the 4 inch drain manifold's clean-out plug with the fire hose adapter plug, and attached the 1-1/2"fire hose to it.

One Marine was still occupying the last bowl. I didn’t bother him or the other five of his Marine brethren still waiting in line. I excused myself for a moment, stripped my mask off and called Mendez up the ladder. I told Mendez to man the fire plug, and his eyes got big as the smile on his face, "When you hear me beat on the bulkhead with this wrench, charge that hose with everything it's got and then, get lost! I’ll be right behind you so don’t get in my way!" As Mendez left, I closed the hasp on the head door and twisted a welding rod in place as a padlock. "BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!", went the pipe wrench. Down the ladder rails I slid shouting, "MAKE A HOLE!!" At about the same time I ran over a Marine, 150PSI of salt water forced its way up into the head via a 1-1/2" firehouse. I heard this muffled, "BUH-BOOM!" and some garbled screaming and yelling on my way out of troop berthing.

The movie was nearly over when I sat down. I guess I must've smelled a little rank, ‘cuz these guys gave me funny looks as they got up and left the movie. I kept waiting for the ship’s 1 MC "Flooding Alarm" to go off, but it didn’t. So I left the movie and cautiously made my way to the Carpenter Shop to see if there was any fallout yet. The Sounding/Security watch showed up an said he’d heard what Mendez and I did in troop berthing. I admitted nothing of the sort. "Mendez must be on drugs. Don't listen to him!" says I. "Go back to your watch before I place you on report!"

The aftermath was kind of amusing. The two bowls I had plugged up, stayed on the bulkhead. The only casualties during this exercise were the last two exploding porcelain bowls, and the sitting Marine. When his pot exploded, he tried to jump over the water closet door, and in the process of escape, scraped his legs all up jumping over the shitter's door. The sinks and urinals got cleaned out, but the opposing bulkheads needed cleaning now. The Marines standing in the head got a free mud bath and refreshing shower courtesy of the Mobile's Repair Department . Even the deck and all of the Marine gear and laundry in troop berthing, from the second rack down, got a free salt water wash job. A ton of water a minute that can spew out of a 1 ½" fire hose pumped up to 150p.s.i. Who knows who, how or when that fireplug got shut off.

Not one gripe reached my ears. Not a single warning or threat. Not even a peep from HTC Little. The two broken bowls weren’t replaced till after we returned to San Diego. But best of all, there were no more complaints or repair calls from troop berthing during the rest of that cruise. Another satisfied group of happy campers, compliments of the USS Mobile!

USS Mobile, LKA-115: Navy Oxygen Breathing Apparatus(O.B.A.) Training

After my arrival and indoctrination aboard the USS Mobile, I was given the honor of bringing the ship’s company up to date on their damage control qualifications. What better way to become the most popular guy on the ship than to show the Damage Control training film documenting the USS Forrestal flight deck fire of 1967? For two weeks this thirty minute video showed before our nightly ship’s movie. Each crew member was required to sign a statement that they’d seen the movie. Our captain also required the movie be shown to all of his officers.

What had happened to the Forrestal, can happen aboard any ship at sea. Conflagration is a ship’s worst nightmare. If the fire is not put out, the ship will burn, sink and perish along with a lot of good men. 134 men were killed and 62 were injured in this fire. Those that weren’t killed by the fire or explosions, were mostly casualties of smoke inhalation. Many men were found dead, as they were trying to improperly use the Navy Oxygen Breathing Apparatus(O.B.A.)

The mandatory movie didn’t make me popular with the crew, but it got the point across. Every sailor is a fireman, no matter what their specialty, and every man needs to know how to don and operate an O.B.A.

My own Section Four Fire Party didn’t exactly worship me either, but you can bet that they were never bored with any of the training evolutions I came up with. I trained them as best I could and drilled them as I felt they needed it. I never duplicated a fire drill. I exposed each of my men to each piece of Damage Control equipment onboard the ship and required each man in my charge to demonstrate it’s usage. Section Five Fire Party also knew the quickest way to navigate their way around the ship due to the never ending variety of the drills we exercised.

When our other LKA sister ships tied along our side would have a fire drill, we’ve called away the “Rescue and Assistance Detail” to render assistance to their stricken ship. More often than not, we’d be on the scene of their casualty before their own Damage Control crew would be. That was a giant feather in our cap.

Anyway, we had training many times before on the O.B.A. , but I wanted some extra special training for my guys. Today we were going to have everyone in the Fire Party light off an O.B.A. This training, if it went well, would replace our duty section D.C. drill. Earlier in the week I got with the duty corpsman and asked him if he could come up with something to gas out the Carpenter Shop with. Nothing to hurt anyone, just something to get their attention during the training evolution. He said he’d talk to the ship’s doctor and maybe come up with some sort of plan. A couple of days later, our corpsman said he was all set for the show. He was so anxious about it, he even had me a little spooked since he wouldn’t clue me in on any of the details. He assured me though that no one would die from the experience.

Well, our duty day arrived. I had all of my guys mustered in the morning and warned the guys of the O.B.A. training session following the evening meal. Our corpsman acted really obnoxious and kept hinting to the guys about how something bad might happen during this evening’s training evolution. I told the corpsman to clam it up and reminded the guys that they’d all better know their O.B.A.s inside and out since tonight's training session would be special. All day long these guys hounded me about O.B.A.s and tonight’s exercise. When I wouldn’t tell ‘em about what was going to go down, they’d walk away shaking their heads mumbling.

With evening chow out of the way, I had the Section Five Fire Party muster in the Carpenter Shop along with any other interested personnel seeking O.B.A. refresher training. We emptied each repair locker on the Mobile of their stock of O.B.As and returned to the Carpenter Shop. Meanwhile, our faithful corpsman had a Bunsen burner setup inside of a large stainless wash basin, setting on our workbench. He says to me, “You’re really going to enjoy this!” He had me wondering.

I had the men don their O.B.A.s, fit up their face masks and check ‘em out for air leaks. Having done so, I had them remove their masks and had them tucked into their O.B.A. harness, at the ready. Now all these guys needed were the chemical canisters that slid up into the bale assembly of their O.B.A.s. This canister(when operating properly) scrubs out the CO2 of your breath and acts as a re-breather, producing oxygen needed to breath. Once the canister is in place, a lanyard needs to be pulled to activate the canister and you have to make sure the cotter key is at the end of the lanyard or else the thing won’t light off and you won’t have air to breath.

We had about twenty guys dinking with their O.B.A.s, including a couple of officers I hadn’t counted on. It was getting kinda cramped in that little Carpenter shop. The more the merrier! Then there was a knock on the shop door. I opened it to see our ship’s doctor standing in the passageway wearing a bright yellow Nuclear/Biological(Big Bird) jumpsuit and gas mask. In his rubber glove covered hands, he’s holding a wooden box with skulls and crossbones adorning it in plain view. He sat the box on the workbench and tells me and the corpsman to done our gas masks. Needless to say, the guys wearing the O.B.A.s were getting a little anxious and started asking me when I was going to hand out the O.B.A. canisters. I gave out the canisters, had them loaded into the O.B.A.s, but don’t don your masks or pull the canister lanyards till the Doc gives the word.

The Doc had to be sweating his butt off, wearing that Big Bird suit, but he was very methodical as he and the corpsman poured that special clear liquid into the beaker. Then the corpsman placed the beaker on the burner and the Doc tells him to let him know when 45 seconds lapses. The Doc then measures out a dose of green powder from a little brown bottle he’d retrieved from that skull box. “Forty-five seconds Doctor!” The Doc then poured the powder into the beaker and nasty looking green foam started overflowing from the beaker and doused out the burner fire.

“GAS!” The Doc yells! Then I reached over and turned out the lights in the shop... All I could hear were hearts pounding, breaths of muffled anguish peppered with colorful swear words from the twenty men wearing the O.B.A.s.

After a short period, I flicked the lights on and inspected the survivors. Other than the extra wide eyeballs bulging out of their face masks, everyone learned how to properly don and operate an O.B.A. An experience I’m sure that they remember to this day, thirty years later.

The Ship's Doctor wanted to do it again to his com padres in the wardroom, but it was so much work. After cleaning up the mess and disposing of the canisters, I just had to pass.

I asked the Doc what the “Gas Potion” was. "Vinegar and lime Kool Aid."

dz

USS Mobile, LKA-115: Ship to Ship Bombardment

The USS Mobile was preparing for the ‘Bell Nugget’ exercise that would eventually take us to Juneau, Alaska, for the Forth of July celebration. One of the jobs that the carpenter shop had to accomplish before this cruise was to perform maintenance checks on each inflatable life vest we had on board the ship. There were two ways to inflate these lifevests. One way was to pull a lanyard attached to a small CO2 bottle. If the vests didn’t inflate or inflate completely after the initial charge, there was a mouth piece built in that would allow you to inflate it manually. We collected at least 500 of the goofy things and threw them into a big pile on the carpenter shop deck. Each vest was removed from each belted pouch, then we made sure each vest had a police whistle, a working D-cell lamp, and a sealed cylinder/cartridge of CO2 of the proper weight.

I had my guys remove and weigh all of the little CO2 cartridges for each vest then insure each vest had a full bottle attached. They weighed an empty bottle for tare then added one ounce (I think) for a full charge. I couldn’t believe the amount of light CO2 bottles we ended up with. A couple of hundred at least. Even some of our replacement bottles were too light to use. It took the guys two or three days to get this all done, on top of their regular work load.

We were supposed to vent the CO2 off of the rejects, then trash the light bottles. I made sure we collected each and every light CO2 bottle and I put them under lock and key. Meanwhile, I took a couple of sample bottles and headed aft to the shipfitter shop. I test fit a bottle inside of a close fitting 5' length of black iron pipe, then threaded one end of the pipe so I could stuff a cap on the end. I drilled a hole in the center of the pipe cap and welded a sharpened stub of rod in place for a firing pin. Voila’, a "CO2 Mortar Tube" for fun and games!

The first couple of tries, the thing didn’t work. Which wasn’t too good for my image since I was drawing a small crowd onlookers. I sharpened the stub a little more and tried to bend it towards the point where the bottle’s lead seal would impact. The third time I dropped a bottle down that tube, "Swoosh!", that little sucker did fly! None of the onlookers, or myself, saw where the little bottle went. I pulled the cap off to make sure the pipe was empty and sure nuff it was gone. I gave it one last try for the crowd’s enjoyment, and we lost sight of it also. "Oh well guys. That’s all I have. See you later." Off to the carpenters shop I went, with mortar tube in hand.

I found a yellow can of spray bomb and sprayed the heck out of those bottles till I ran out of paint. We had black and some red spray bombs, so we got all of the painting done before evening chow. The paint was pretty much dried, so after chow Goss, Blankenship and I headed back to the Mobile’s fantail for firing practice.

Mobile was sitting at the head of the pier with her pointy end facing the beach. Several tin cans were behind us on both sides of the pier, but our main objective was the LPH 3, USS Okinawa. At 600' long, she should be easy enough to hit, trouble was that the sun was in our eyes and we didn’t have much luck seeing those bottles fly. The bottles would fly past(but not always) the length of a tin can. However, we could see the little splashes in the water through a set of binoculars we’d borrowed. We were pretty sure we were on target after about ten rounds.

We had a lot of fun taking turns with our new toy. And once the sun had set, we could see the bottles glint in the sun at the top of their arc. Pretty cool! We had Eight to ten squids taking pot shots at the Okinawa before we were done.

Next day a couple of us took a walk down the pier to see if we could find any incriminating evidence. Sure enough, there were a couple dozen little bottles spotted laying around on the pier and probably at least a hundred or so laying around on the Okinawa’s flight deck. No one wanted to go check for sure. It took us two more days before we finally ran out of ammo.

dz

USS Mobile, LKA-115: Jarhead Swim Test

This happened on the USS Mobile in 1977.

During one thirty day cruise to Alaska, we had a full complement of Marines on board. It's kind of a pain when they're aboard.   Marines had little to do at sea except stand in line for chow and clogging up the heads.  I got along fine with them most of the time and enjoyed giving them tours of the ship, if they were interested. Occasionally we’d come up against a real knothead and we’d have to set them straight. After all, while we’re onboard and steaming, we have home court advantage. This episode was more like a training evolution.

With the Engineering berthing area smelling like a ripe football locker room, and the mess decks crowded with an overabundance of movie goers.  HT2 "Snake" Snedeker and myself decided to kick back in the carpenter shop with a cup of fresh coffee and some tunes. We were doing a little work on a flag box project for an upcoming retirement. We hadn't gotten much accomplished when FN Ronnie Blankenship barged in on us. During his Sound/Security watch, Blankenship ran into a bit of trouble with an American Samoan Marine sentry. The deranged Marine wouldn't allow Blankenship into the cargo hold to make his soundings.

"Can you guys help me out?" asks our faithful Fireman.

Well, we reached the aft cargo bay in record time and way down deep, on the seventh deck, was the offending grunt. Just like Blankenship said, the stupid jarhead kept waving his fixed bayonet Poodle shooter at us!  He would not allow us entry into the cargo hold.

Snake and I conferred with each other and came up with a plan. I told Ronnie to go chase up the duty electrician, whilst Snake and I dropped and dogged the hatch leading down into the Marine's cargo hold.

Ronnie returned with IC3 Stanley Powell, now the stage was nearly set.

I opened the scuttle and Snake called down to the grunt asking him if he had changed his mind, but he wasn't being cooperative. Snake told the grunt he'd better know how to swim.... Boom! Down went the scuttle.  Snake and I boogied back up to the main deck.

Next, Stanley Powell, killed all the lights and electricity to the cargo hold. We had Blankenship notify DC central and main control to ignore the loss of firemain pressure 'cuz we were flushing and testing fire plugs back aft in the ship.

Powell and Blankenship came back down to the cargo hatch/scuttle.  In order to maintain water-tight integrity, the boys kept our little Marine buddy company by sitting on the hand wheel of the scuttle.

LKA’s had some handy features. Port and starboard of the four cargo hatches on the main deck are sets of large hand wheels. From here one can remotely operate the de-watering eductors located in each of the four corners in each cargo hold. It's really a beautiful system and hard to appreciate unless you witness its operation first hand like our Marine sentry was going to shortly.

In theory, If we were to maintain 150 p.s.i. on the firemain, we could de-water each flooded cargo hold at 4,000 gallons per minute! That's a lot of salty water, but we're not really dewatering, we're just testing fire plugs, remember? If this cargo space were full of water, you would feel a lot of heavy rumbling, and it would be relatively quiet. But when the water level drops below the level of the eductor intakes, each eductor intake sounded like a cross between a bathtub drain and Niagara Falls... maybe louder! Everything shook like a dog poopin’ razor blades.   Snake and I could feel the rumble we'd created, seven decks below.

The bat cave darkness of the cargo hold also added a spooky element to the scenario. As soon as we got all four eductors running hard, we reversed our steps and secured the impromptu dewatering exercise.  The noise and vibration was bound to draw attention.  It took us all of 15 minutes to turn the thing on and off.  Then back down to deck 6 #3 cargo hold we went.

Depending upon your viewpoint(above or below the hatch); this training exercise took no longer than 15-20 minutes to complete, or as in the case of one overly gung-ho American Samoan Marine, it was an eternity to endure.

After securing the eductors, each of us squids grabbed up a dogging wrench and prepared to debrief our studious sentry. Blankenship and Powell said the Marine had been pounding pretty hard on the other side of the hatch, and they were having a heck of a time holding the handwheel shut. No sooner had we loosened the dogging bolts, the grunt flung open the heavy hatch, bounding up the ladders two steps at a time.

When everything was secured and the lights and juice turned back on, we all went our separate ways. FN Blankenship returned to his sounding-security

watch . Later on he came back to the carpenter shop and showed us a nice big piece of the Marine’s bayonet he’d found at the bottom of the ladder. It was soon turned into a souvenir key fob.

Life on Mobile was good again.


dz

USS Mobile, LKA-115: Sounding and Security Watch or Things that go Bump in the Night.

As I remember, we were on our way up to Alaska for a NORPAC operation. We were several days at sea when I was pulling a 2000-2400 Sounding/Security watch. It was a real walk in the park for me 'cuz I enjoyed wandering around the ship when everyone else was kicking back or getting sack time. To me Mobile was an engineering marvel. Everything had a designed purpose and she required relatively few sailors to complete her assigned tasks.

Scuttlebutt I heard that there was quite a bit of racial problems aboard Mobile prior to my tour on board. The tension on the ship was still great the crew just seemed to hate each other for no apparent reason. When I first came aboard, I couldn’t find a dogging wrench anywhere except to be used as weapons and kept under pillows in the crew's berthing spaces. It was rumored that people were stabbed in there racks in the not too distant past. Guys in ‘Repair’ Division preferred the top or bottom racks to sleep in, since the middle ones left you vulnerable to an attack while you slept. Being the new guy I had to sleep in a middle rack.

So anyway, here I am trying to finish up on my S/S watch. I'm on my way down to the seventh deck, reefer compressor room. The area I'm in is a small room filled with refrigeration compressors. My purpose is secure this area, and to mark off a check off list as to the condition of this reefer equipment, making sure its running up to snuff. It's awfully noisy, so I don a pair of ear muffs just to hear myself think. Just forward of this compartment is a passageway abeam of the ship. At each end of this passageway(port and starboard) are ladders leading out of the space. Forward of the compressor room passageway are the cold storage freezers and dry storage compartments. Each of the Ship's stores are under lock and key.

Like I was saying, I'm trying to hurry through my little assignment, 'cuz I'm on the last leg of my watch, it’s about 2320, and I've still got to climb the mountain of ladders, up to the bridge, for my watch relief. If I hurried, I might be able to make it up to the mess deck in time for some pie and a glass of milk! But then I heard this rattling of a ladder. I stuck my head outta the door and see this little Philipino cook opening one of the big reefer doors. All seems well, so I tend to my own business. But not long after wards, I hear this blood curdling scream! It sounded like one of them hysterical, screaming women getting murdered just like in a slasher flick. Then the screaming seemed to travel up the ladder and out of ear shot. Man was my heart pumping pure adrenalin! The hair on my neck was standing on end!

I did what any brave S/S watch would do; I locked myself into the compressor room! I had a 14 inch pipe wrench in one hand and a billieclub in the other. I wasn't going down without a fight. I tried to call out to the bridge and D.C. Central on the sound powered phone in the compressor room. Either it didn't work or nobody was answering their phones tonight. After a few moments that seemed an eternity, I cracked the door open to see if I could spy the dead body that I was sure was there. What I saw didn't really look promising! Nothing but luncheon meat and sliced cheese scattered about the green tiled deck. Where's the body and blood? Hmmmm. I was going to miss mid-rats if I didn't shake a leg. So I swung the compressor room door open and hit the forward bulkhead with my back, ready to cream anything that moved. But the only things moving were the unlatched reefer door that kept banging against the bulkhead as the ship listed and the spooky, foggy mist pouring from out of the opened reefer doorway. I didn't care for this at all! I can't convey how creeped out I was. I checked out the passageway to make sure I was alone and latched the reefer door in the opened position. Then I proceeded to check out the reefer room. A big aluminum was tray lying on the deck. Not long ago there had been a variety of luncheon meats and cheese neatly laid out upon it in an attempt to nourish the oncoming watches at mid-rats. As I stepped over this mess, I was ever so aware of my surroundings.

As I went deeper into the reefer to investigate, I was ever so sure that beneath this thick fog was either a dead body or some sort of boogie man. "Something" made a grown man scream like a little girl! To my relief, everything seemed in order, except for the big mess on the deck out side of the reefer. The hair on my neck was starting to settle down. As I was on my way out of the reefer, I noticed several cardboard signs hanging from these large metal containers. One sign said 'chocolate', another 'maple nut','vanilla', etc. There were two stacks of three of these rather large and long aluminium containers. They were about two by two by seven feet. Like I said, each had it's own ice cream flavor sign attached to it. Well I figured if I was going to go through all of this business of being scared to death, late for my watch relief and then miss midrats... by golly a five gallon bucket of ice cream would be a nice reward.

It looked like it might be a hassle to remove the lids of these containers. So I went for the one marked "Neopolitan" since it was part way opened up. I had to clamber over some stacks of frozen boxes to reach into the "ICE CREAM BOX" of my choice. So as I reached for my five gallons worth of frosty reward, I had to push this black plastic looking material out of the way to obtain my prize. Holy! Cow! Cub Fans! Inside the black sack was this Popsicle looking old dead guy!! His eyes and mouth were open, his tongue was sticking out of his toothless lips and he needed a shave badly! It was about this time I decided not to make the Navy a career choice. After I picked myself off of the deck, I locked up the reefer and compressor rooms. Then I high tailed it up to the bridge, eleven decks above me, for watch relief.

Huffing and puffing as I reached the bridge, I tried to calm myself. Still blinded by the white lights in the outer passageway of officer's country, I couldn't see my hand in front of my face as I stepped into the red lights of the bridge. Although I couldn't see anyone, It sounded as though every one on the bridge was going to bust their guts for all the laughing that was going on! Now this is really odd 'cuz were in "God's Country" here. No one ever plays grab ass or jokes around on a U.S. Navy bridge when the ship is underway. Tonight was to be an exception though. It seems as though word got out that the Chief Commissaryman left specific orders with the duty mess-cook, that ice cream be served at mid-rats this evening. Then it dawned on me that those "ice cream" boxes in the reefer contained the remains of old Navy veterans that were to be buried at sea in ceremony within the next couple of days.

As for that little Philipino cook? He never ever went down to the reefer decks again. I guess we fooled him!

dz