This Sea Story was told to me by a fellow shipmate HT2 "Wally" Wolner. I had been recently transferred to the Mobile, LKA-115.
One summer evening of ‘76, I (Wally)was kicking back in the 56A pipe shop office. Just got back from the mess deck with a full belly, and I had my feet propped up on the desk, fulfilling my section three duty obligation. I noticed fellow HT3 Harry Brannan running around in circles from the pipe shop, to the carpenter shop, then over to the foundry, then off to the tin bender shop. He was up to something secretive.
Harry was a wild one. Prior to his hitch in the NAVY, he was an infantryman in the USMC(our sister service) and did a tour in Vietnam. Harry liked our chow, our warm cozy racks we climb into each night and our vast number of water closet accommodations. Goodbye C-Rats. Hello Navy!
Anyway, Harry was always up to something. And this duty night Harry had a timber that he’d taken down to a five inch diameter, by four to five foot long wooden pole. At one end of the pole, there was a foot long taper that went down to a couple of inches in diameter, and he planed off a one inch flat spot, the length of this taper. In the tin shop, Harry fashioned a strip of stainless to cover the flat spot of the taper(I mean this was an in depth project and Wally was real slow to catch on to his antics.) Then Harry started pounding a bunch of these huge spikes into the other end. Harry was grinning like a poo eating opossum, all the while as he was building this goofy thing. Wally asked him what he was up to, but Harry wouldn't let Wally in on the secret. "The heck with him. I just went back to the office, drank coffee, smoked butts and waited for the night’s movie to go down."
Till Harry started filling the deep sink up with water, Wally hadn’t a clue. Harry was now dipping the spiked end into molten lead in the foundry shop, then he’d run over to the deep sink and plop it into the water to see how it'd float. Then he’d add more lead to the spikes, then back to the sink. "It dawned on me that he was trying to get the thing to float upright on its own, and he was making it look a lot like a miniature periscope." Wally asked Harry about it and he said, "You're on the right track, but this wasn’t just any periscope, it was going to be a Russian Two-Man, Spy Submarine, Periscope!" Well Harry was different the most normal human beings, and this proved it.
After getting it to float right, he buffed that stainless strip till it gleamed sort of like a periscope lens. He painted it haze gray, and slopped some flat black splotches all over it, just like the big boats alongside. But as an added touch, he painted Red Stars on each side of the fake lens. "It really looked kinda cool sitting there in there in our deep sink. Okay what now?" "Wait till tomorrow, Wally." was all Harry would say.
Next morning after quarters, Harry clued the pipe shop crew in on his evil plan. Three of the pipe shop sailors went down to the inboard SSN, tied along the starboard side of Dixon. Half a dozen more pipe shop sailors were posted against the rail on the Dixon’s main deck, admiring the fine morning they were having and counting the seagulls as they flew by. They were standing just above the SSN’s non-rated topside watch, where all of the action was about to begin.
The pipe shop boys down on the SSN, were waiting their turn to receive clearance from the busy non-rated topside watch. Clearance was needed before they could enter the boat to work. Meanwhile they busied themselves with loud scuttlebutt concerning the Russian Spy Sub, sighted at sea, just off Point Loma. "Yeah! Did you see the way that Coast Guard cutter tore outta here earlier?" said one sailor. "Yeah! But I bet those three choppers from Coronado find it first!", Chimed in his comrade. When the guys figured that the sub’s topside had heard enough of their B.S., back up to the Dixon they went, to fetch the tools they’d forgotten back at the shop. The hook was set! I like a good fish story. Except for our Chief and our LPO, the whole pipe shop gang was now assembled, main deck, starboard side, on the USS Dixon. Just admiring the seagulls and those hard working sailors below.
At the starboard waterline of DIXON, air bubbles coming out of NSRO would continually roil the water in between the camels that separated Dixon, from the sub tied alongside. The bubbles also created a beneficial current in the water. And when no one else was paying attention, Harry dropped his periscope over the side. We all thought it was stuck in the mud on the bottom, 'cuz it took so long to surface, but surface it did! As it bobbed up and down, it twirled, ever so slowly. The Russians commenced to spying and carrying on their dastardly mission.
"Topside!! Ahoy down below!!", we all yelled and pointed. "It’s a Russian sub!!", "My God!! It’s a Russian sub!", over and over. It was all pretty funny.... till the topside non-rate smacked the security alert button at his podium. Then the squirrel bait drew and racked his side arm, placing a well aimed bead on the periscope. We were all holding our breaths collectively. Hatches slammed shut, alarms were blaring on our ship and each of the subs. Sailors on a mission, were running all over the Dixon with weapons drawn, all locked and loaded. This was not a drill! Everybody froze, except that damned Commie periscope, and the sub’s topside watch, who was kind of dancing around, jumping up and down; doing his best Barney Fife routine.
Then the alarms stopped, and it got really quiet. No shots had been fired. A few moments later we heard the hatch on the sail of the inboard boat, bang open. Then we saw this golden hat rise out of that black turd. And the head beneath it yelled down below,"Topside, are you the reason we’re having this security alert?" The topside looks up and screams,"Captain! It's a Russian Sub! It’s a two man Russian sub, right there Captain!!" The sub Captain glared at the offending periscope bobbing around in the water, then he looked over at us, all smiling and happy. Instantly, he became three shades more red than before. "Topside! You are one Dumb Ass! Secure that pistol into your holster!" Then he threw his golden/glittery hat at the topside, but it forlornly bounced and slid off of the sub’s deck into the drink and now was being chased by a Russian sub's periscope! "Secure us from Security Alert! Once you have been properly relieved, fish that periscope out of the water, grab my hat and report to me in my stateroom below. On The Double Topside!" The submarine’s captain gave us one last wicked sneer, then disappeared down into the sail.
“Turn To, commence ship’s work.” Life was good aboard Dixon. No one in the Pipe Shop caught hell. And no one knows where the periscope ended up at. It’s probably sitting on a nice fireplace mantle somewhere.
One summer evening of ‘76, I (Wally)was kicking back in the 56A pipe shop office. Just got back from the mess deck with a full belly, and I had my feet propped up on the desk, fulfilling my section three duty obligation. I noticed fellow HT3 Harry Brannan running around in circles from the pipe shop, to the carpenter shop, then over to the foundry, then off to the tin bender shop. He was up to something secretive.
Harry was a wild one. Prior to his hitch in the NAVY, he was an infantryman in the USMC(our sister service) and did a tour in Vietnam. Harry liked our chow, our warm cozy racks we climb into each night and our vast number of water closet accommodations. Goodbye C-Rats. Hello Navy!
Anyway, Harry was always up to something. And this duty night Harry had a timber that he’d taken down to a five inch diameter, by four to five foot long wooden pole. At one end of the pole, there was a foot long taper that went down to a couple of inches in diameter, and he planed off a one inch flat spot, the length of this taper. In the tin shop, Harry fashioned a strip of stainless to cover the flat spot of the taper(I mean this was an in depth project and Wally was real slow to catch on to his antics.) Then Harry started pounding a bunch of these huge spikes into the other end. Harry was grinning like a poo eating opossum, all the while as he was building this goofy thing. Wally asked him what he was up to, but Harry wouldn't let Wally in on the secret. "The heck with him. I just went back to the office, drank coffee, smoked butts and waited for the night’s movie to go down."
Till Harry started filling the deep sink up with water, Wally hadn’t a clue. Harry was now dipping the spiked end into molten lead in the foundry shop, then he’d run over to the deep sink and plop it into the water to see how it'd float. Then he’d add more lead to the spikes, then back to the sink. "It dawned on me that he was trying to get the thing to float upright on its own, and he was making it look a lot like a miniature periscope." Wally asked Harry about it and he said, "You're on the right track, but this wasn’t just any periscope, it was going to be a Russian Two-Man, Spy Submarine, Periscope!" Well Harry was different the most normal human beings, and this proved it.
After getting it to float right, he buffed that stainless strip till it gleamed sort of like a periscope lens. He painted it haze gray, and slopped some flat black splotches all over it, just like the big boats alongside. But as an added touch, he painted Red Stars on each side of the fake lens. "It really looked kinda cool sitting there in there in our deep sink. Okay what now?" "Wait till tomorrow, Wally." was all Harry would say.
Next morning after quarters, Harry clued the pipe shop crew in on his evil plan. Three of the pipe shop sailors went down to the inboard SSN, tied along the starboard side of Dixon. Half a dozen more pipe shop sailors were posted against the rail on the Dixon’s main deck, admiring the fine morning they were having and counting the seagulls as they flew by. They were standing just above the SSN’s non-rated topside watch, where all of the action was about to begin.
The pipe shop boys down on the SSN, were waiting their turn to receive clearance from the busy non-rated topside watch. Clearance was needed before they could enter the boat to work. Meanwhile they busied themselves with loud scuttlebutt concerning the Russian Spy Sub, sighted at sea, just off Point Loma. "Yeah! Did you see the way that Coast Guard cutter tore outta here earlier?" said one sailor. "Yeah! But I bet those three choppers from Coronado find it first!", Chimed in his comrade. When the guys figured that the sub’s topside had heard enough of their B.S., back up to the Dixon they went, to fetch the tools they’d forgotten back at the shop. The hook was set! I like a good fish story. Except for our Chief and our LPO, the whole pipe shop gang was now assembled, main deck, starboard side, on the USS Dixon. Just admiring the seagulls and those hard working sailors below.
At the starboard waterline of DIXON, air bubbles coming out of NSRO would continually roil the water in between the camels that separated Dixon, from the sub tied alongside. The bubbles also created a beneficial current in the water. And when no one else was paying attention, Harry dropped his periscope over the side. We all thought it was stuck in the mud on the bottom, 'cuz it took so long to surface, but surface it did! As it bobbed up and down, it twirled, ever so slowly. The Russians commenced to spying and carrying on their dastardly mission.
"Topside!! Ahoy down below!!", we all yelled and pointed. "It’s a Russian sub!!", "My God!! It’s a Russian sub!", over and over. It was all pretty funny.... till the topside non-rate smacked the security alert button at his podium. Then the squirrel bait drew and racked his side arm, placing a well aimed bead on the periscope. We were all holding our breaths collectively. Hatches slammed shut, alarms were blaring on our ship and each of the subs. Sailors on a mission, were running all over the Dixon with weapons drawn, all locked and loaded. This was not a drill! Everybody froze, except that damned Commie periscope, and the sub’s topside watch, who was kind of dancing around, jumping up and down; doing his best Barney Fife routine.
Then the alarms stopped, and it got really quiet. No shots had been fired. A few moments later we heard the hatch on the sail of the inboard boat, bang open. Then we saw this golden hat rise out of that black turd. And the head beneath it yelled down below,"Topside, are you the reason we’re having this security alert?" The topside looks up and screams,"Captain! It's a Russian Sub! It’s a two man Russian sub, right there Captain!!" The sub Captain glared at the offending periscope bobbing around in the water, then he looked over at us, all smiling and happy. Instantly, he became three shades more red than before. "Topside! You are one Dumb Ass! Secure that pistol into your holster!" Then he threw his golden/glittery hat at the topside, but it forlornly bounced and slid off of the sub’s deck into the drink and now was being chased by a Russian sub's periscope! "Secure us from Security Alert! Once you have been properly relieved, fish that periscope out of the water, grab my hat and report to me in my stateroom below. On The Double Topside!" The submarine’s captain gave us one last wicked sneer, then disappeared down into the sail.
“Turn To, commence ship’s work.” Life was good aboard Dixon. No one in the Pipe Shop caught hell. And no one knows where the periscope ended up at. It’s probably sitting on a nice fireplace mantle somewhere.
Harry Brannan, a legend in his own time, and now he's our hero for all time!
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1 comment:
Hi, Rick! Its Harry! Just saw your blog here this evening and was surprised to learn that Wally had told you about the 'Russian Sub Caper'. :-)
I was stationed aboard Dixon from March '76 through Dec., '79. After you had reported to your next command, I managed to finagle my way into NDT school and transfer from the Pipe Shop (R-1 Div.) to 93-A NDT Lab (RT Div.). Made HT2 in '77.
In the summer of '79, we had some fun with the new Radiation Safety Officer. He was new aboard and I had this crazy urge to play a practical joke and relieve the tension. We had been working round the clock for several days covering a hull patch and we all needed a good laugh.
Too long to post here, so will relate how this went down via E-mail.
Best regards,
Harry
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